I Am Not Home Yet

I found out a couple of weeks ago that I am scheduled to do my finger printing for my green card application on 12/17/08. So that is supposed to be exciting news.

Well, there's another side to this story. As you all know, I am on a student visa, so I am required to go to school. Yesterday, I found out that the last day of school registration is 1/12/09. That will be another $3500 for me if my work authorization is not out by then. About the same amount of money is what I need to pay my lawyer once the green card, travel parole, and work authorization come out. My lawyer said that the latest that my work authorization would come out is February. This means that my work authorization needs to come out before 1/12/09.

I hit the end of the road again where God presented me with two choices: to surrender or to worry. Guess what I chose. I feel like I am racing against time -- wanting to save enough to be able to get home to my ailing father, wishing that I can zero out the family debts, and looking to please God with a yes to "whatever next steps" He has for me. I have a lot of "tangible needs" of which I have chosen to deprive myself, if only to help my family. As money continues to go out for schooling, my desire to spend time with my father gets pushed back as well. At the same time, I want to get the family debts out of the way before I start discerning for God's next steps for me (if it is in the mission field or any other service).

It could not possibly get any more personal than this. It is almost too painful to imagine, that I might have to endure more sacrifices if I have to continue on a student visa. I do look at sacrifices as part of pruning, and I find comfort in the fact that I get to share this experience with the Lord who made the greatest sacrifice of all. It gives me joy to know that my family is able to make ends meet with my help. There is no greater joy than knowing that God finds favor in me, so I may extend that favor to my family. Through this, I learned discipline when it came to spending, and I learned to find joy in choosing to live a simple lifestyle.

My best friend and I always talk about our desire to be in heaven. When I lose my focus, I immerse my thoughts with Revelations 4, closing my eyes even in order to visualize and hear that moment. The thought of heaven does not give me a form of escape. But it tells me that I am not home yet. Somehow I realized that these distractions are the enemy's feeble attempts to make me feel lonely, poor, and doubtful (my purposes in going here seem futile, I can't seem to bear fruit, etc). I am not rich, but I told God that I am rich with friends who can help me plead my case before Him. May the Lord grant me peace of mind, even when the stars do not seem aligned with the USCIS calendar."

Peace I leave with you; I do not give to you as the world gives."- Jn 14:27