The Upper Room Experience

A couple of days ago, I spoke with my pastoral leader.
She told me about more lies that the lost man told to save face.
Things that he had done, he said I did.
How could I have even loved a man capable of such evil?

It has been quite a while since my last conversation with my leader.
I felt I should not involve her with any further pain I put myself into.
I have long realized how I must have hurt my friends.
For not listening, and insisting on doing what's not good for me.

Although I am now treading the right way (through healing),
The damage to many of my relationships happened.
I left them all frustrated and wishing they did not care.
But they did, and so they turned away.

When Jesus died on the cross, the disciples could not understand.
They all came together before the ascencion with wavering faith.
They were afraid and locked themselves in the upper room.
Jesus went to that upper room, and so their ministry began.

My decisions had nothing to do with my friends.
My friends were and had always been right about it.
But my decision had everything to do with my faith in myself.
I didn't believe I could do it on my own.

But the fact is I must have little faith in the Lord.
Because I could not understand why He allowed it to happen.
I found myself always coming to Him in tears and questions.
I saw in my heart that I bore a grudge against the Lord.

When I took my state of life discernment, it was with the Lord.
When I had to wait until I was ready for love, it was with the Lord.
When I began the love affair, it was all with the Lord.
I had an upper room experience when the love did not last.

No one should go through pain alone - that is what the enemy wants.
I should not have tried to do it all on my own because I could not.
That is why God sent friends who would be strong when I was weak.
And even when they got tired, the Holy Spirit is able.

No pain, no broken relationship is beyond repair with God's grace.
With a humble heart, I want to commit my life to the Rock of my life.
I belong to the Lord; and I have every reason to thank Him for what happened.
To all those I have hurt with my stubborn ways, I ask for your forgiveness.

The way of the Lord gives refuge to the honest man, but dismays those who do evil - Prv. 10:29