Outcry

I tried hard not to fall for him again.
I drank too much when he came to see me.
But I woke up to a place where sin can start again.
I thought I saw love, longing, and hope in his eyes.
Only to find passion and lust masquerading.

He came back and reclaimed my heart.
Oh! The same old story, but I did not see it coming.
After promises of love and fidelity.
And convincing me to let the new one go.
Once again, he left me cold.

Why be so cruel that he would not let me heal?
Why did I let him trick me once again?
What evil lurks within one’s soul?
As to cause the slowest death unto my being?
When will I ever see that he is cause for misery?

Can he not let me be…happy and content?
Why do I allow him to cause me more pain?
When will I ever find the strength to say no?
Where can I run so my heart will just harden?
Do I have any loved ones left to protect me?

When I am not myself, please shake me.
When he comes near me, please cover me.
When I could not stop crying, please accept me.
When I am alone, please intercede for me.
When I see no hope, Lord, have mercy on me.

How does one?

He asked so much of me.
He held me strong in his arms.
Helped me see brighter days when life hit me hard.
So many times, he showed signs.
Yet I believed. I loved. He’s just right.

He’s the reason I stayed, the reason I gave.
Thought he deserved my love.
He’s the reason for my pain.
Thought our love was worth it.
Wish I could say, “It’s over. I can.”

I should’ve seen it coming.
He was the last man for me.
I was a fool, he could be better.
He said our love was forever.
He made me believe. I loved. So wrong.

He said not to compare.
So I said maybe it’s real.
But I made the same mistake.
God, this is twice the pain.
Oh I believed. I loved. Too much.

How does one stop from caring?
How does one stop from going crazy?
How does one sleep at night?
How does one believe once more?
How does one stop the tears from falling?
How does one learn to kneel and pray?
How does one love herself again?
How does one start all over?

He’s the reason I stayed, the reason I gave.
So much, too much of what he deserves.
He’s the reason for my pain.
Thought our love was worth it.
Wish I could say “It’s over. I can.”
Help me believe I'll make it right again.