Before March 1999 – I had three serious boyfriends starting from my college freshmen years. I was never happy with them because they were not rich enough, loving enough, or intelligent enough. I never felt they deserved my commitment, and I left them without much explanation.
March 1999 to June 1999 – I loved Francis. With him, I decided that I was going to be a better person. I quit smoking and I grabbed a bible in National Bookstore. We talked marriage and kids, and I made him my world. In three months, I noticed certain things which made me feel that I was not the only woman in his life. The big blow: he admitted to me he was already married. Right then and there, I ended our relationship and went home to Pampanga.
August 1999 – I committed myself to Christ. This is supposed to be the part where I write longer. But there was nothing visual as that of the tongues of fire cut in half. Yet the Holy Spirit rested upon me and I experienced the power of the Holy Spirit through the gift of tongues. This, however, is not where I end victoriously.
May 2000 to sometime in 2002 – I met with Francis on several occasions. He said sorry, updated me on the status of his annulment, and I gave him a second chance. We tried to patch things up. What hindered me from becoming fruitful in my commitment to Christ was I still continued to see Francis. We were talking about trips around the world, and his plea for me to wait for him until he finishes the annulment case in about a year. But the Lord was already knocking on the door to my heart. There was no longer any desire for me to live in two worlds.
September 2001 – I ended my relationship and decided to attend the annual Lingkod national leadership training conference. I met a brother in that conference. He was the branch leader, and proved to be handsome inside and out.
October 2001 to October 2006 – The brother and I started getting to know each other. He would fly all the way to Makati to see me. We went to Baguio together, he visited me in Makati about 5 times, and spent two Christmases and New Years at my house. My family accepted him. We had an understanding that we were each other’s potential partner.
January 2002 – I realized that there are certain things in life that the brother had to fix before he could fully enter into a relationship with me. He had to discern whether he is called to serve as a single man for the Lord. This is called state of life discernment. He also faced his responsibilities as head of the family (his mom and sister were staying illegally in Canada and he needed to help them).
July 2002 – He went to Canada and an employer sponsored him because he is intelligent, is really good in Sales and Marketing, and has a degree in the medical field. I understood that he needed to establish himself there and help his family. But he said that he would go back to the Philippines and present himself before me again in September 2005 (in time for the Lingkod national leadership training conference. He sent me CDs, a book signed by the author Mitch Albom himself, and money by surprise. I had major upsets with my previous work, and he was virtually there just like when he was still in the Philippines.
Sometime after the brother left in 2002 – Francis told me about the community he has started attending. He was still trying to win me back. This has also kept me in constant struggle because I was not yet fully healed from the pain he caused me. I figured if he was causing me pain, then getting back with him would take away the pain. But I had a firmer grasp of God’s will for me, so I told him that I am already seeing someone else. I lied for my own sake, because I knew he would always have a way with words. I would always end up giving him another chance. But I thought to myself, he would stop contacting me if I was already seeing someone else. He did stop contacting me after that.
September 2004 – The brother financed my trip to Iloilo and registration fee to the Lingkod national leadership training conference.
August 2005 – I went to the US, and I got to chat on the phone with the brother almost everyday for about 2 weeks. He said he had to move his return to the Philippines to September 2006 because he still needed to switch jobs and build a bigger network for his new job. He also said that his sister was getting serious with a Canadian, and that his mom needed to go home to the Philippines to settle some property issues. It meant that he was going to be freed from his obligations.
However, our last phone conversation changed it all. He was throwing something in the air, "What if it became us?" I was caught off guard by his question cuz he was the one who caused so much delay already. So I just shrugged the thought of it and told him, "Well, it's not us." His mood changed, he came up with an excuse that he had to go and could not stay long on the phone, and didn’t call even until I went back to the Philippines. Since then, he barely kept in touch. At around the same time, an employer gave me the opportunity to work in the US. This was not attractive to me then cuz there was a lot going for me in AOL. Also, I hoped he was still going home September 2006.
September 2005 to March 2006 – My friends told me that he is no longer into me. This was a hard slap on my face. They made me realize that it was a stupid thing to reserve myself cuz in the first place, we never made a commitment before he left. I could not find any brother then that compared to him. I was unfair towards other suitors cuz I did not give them a chance at all. I was so into the brother after the traumatic experience I had with Francis that I thought he was God’s answer to my prayers. At the same time, I was already doing my job discernment (whether I was going to the US to work or staying in AOL).
March 2006 – I went back to the US. I kept on trying to reach the brother, but he never returned my calls. It was the saddest US trip ever. It was becoming clear to me that the special relationship we had was going nowhere.
September 2006 – The brother did not come home. At this time, I made my decision to move to the US to help pay the family debts.
October 8, 2006 – I was on a business trip in Cebu. I greeted the brother on his birthday and felt inclined to tell him about my decision to go to the US. I also wanted to put a closure on what we had because I had waited and hoped too long. I asked him why he had not kept his promise of going home, and why he has not been there for me for the longest time. His response: I have not been there for you. You deserve a better man. I was checked in ShangriLa Mactan and I stayed in my room crying my eyes out until there were no more tears left. It was painful that I have allowed myself to become emotionally attached to someone. I told myself that I have turned down so many brothers because I kept comparing them to a brother who had no plans in the future with me. How foolish I had been.
It did not take long before I was on my feet again. After the long wait for the brother, I simply had to grab hold of myself and say what difference would it make that I wait further. I have been technically alone since 2001. Yet, because I was preparing for a trip to the US, I still had to turn down suitors. It's hard enough trying to uproot myself from my country. I cannot commit to someone from the Philippines and maintain a long distance relationship. So the Lord told me to wait again.
March 22, 2007 – I waited at the airport because my mom was running late. I still could not believe I was in the U.S. to start anew.
March 26, 2007 – I began at a new job as a technician (what!?). I did mostly follow up calls and basic troubleshooting.
March 30, 2007 – I joined the COH prayer meeting for the first time. There was an Easter Egg Hunt game. Lucky me, I picked up an egg that had a question in it. That meant I had to share. So I did. Other sharers were a brother who called me often, and Omeng, who was a former branch leader in another Lingkod branch.
April - June 2007 – Two interested brothers, who were complete opposites, were trying to get my attention. One I considered just as a brother. The other, I was extremely interested in.
June 6, 2007 – They both expressed their desire to court me. Soon after, I began to see the downside of the first brother. He talked to everyone about me and had to tell him to stop pursuing me. Omeng found ways to really make me feel special. At the same time, we got into a lot of talking. It was only with him that I went out with, and attended Sunday masses with.
I learned about his past, his dreams, his essentials, and how he fit right into my essentials. What is interesting is I actually tried to de-romanticize everything just so I can really be objective and find out if he is a potential partner.
During my SOL discernment, I realized that there are five things that my partner should essentially possess: he must be a man of God and can serve with me in community, he has a heart for the missions, he is able to lead me and God's children to Him, he will love and accept me and my family, and he is financially stable (to be able to provide for our future family). But I told God that chemistry, humor, and the ability to speak English correctly are my preferences. I am a woman of passion and I would want to love someone whom I will also be attracted to. I have a tendency to become melancholy so a humorous partner is a plus. I used to be a writer and trainer so I could speak English very well. Yet, I was willing to forget the preferences, for as long as I will be with the man that God prepared for me. He granted me all my essentials and two of my preferences. I thank God for the bonuses.
June 23, 2007 – I sealed our partnership with a kiss. Well, he asked for it, of course. It was the sweetest thing.
Now – I look at all that I have been through with men in my life. I just exclaim to God how grateful I am for all His blessings. He sheltered me from further disappointment. He helped me discover the partner that would be compatible with my personality and spirituality. What I went through in life with men were nothing compared to the many heartaches and disappointments of my mom, my best friend, or any of my neighbors. I just pray that the Lord will seal this partnership with His approval and blessing someday. May I always remember that before I can be a partner, I am first God's beloved daughter.
