He was a potential partner.
He started with many love affairs: with God, with his brothers, and with me. He had such great training, was a born leader, and had everything going well for him in every area of his life. He had some four surprises for me I would never forget: two times he bought me something, and two surprise visits.
Loving him is never wrong.
Even when I began noticing the changes in him, I had to be patient, I had to be more understanding, I had to work it out with him. I loved him despite his shortcomings. I was always overwhelmed with glee when he tried to make it up to me. The love I gave away, I gave fully. For love shared is never wasted. Even though the love that is real is only one-sided. I just knew that I loved. And by that love that I chose to give, I found joy. So even when I am now hurting, I could never regret loving.
Why the change - this remains unanswered.
Slowly he drifted away from God. He changed and started a web of lies. He lost all the things that mattered to him. He became a lost soul. Suddenly, he was the only one who knew about the plan for our future. Or maybe he just didn't know what they really were. This is because he was not ready, contrary to what he made me believe. He didn't know what he wanted. He had forgotten my value. He simply saw that I loved him too much. He knows I would always forgive him.
The man he used to be is history.
Despite all my concerns, he continued to drag me down. I found no peace as months wore on. He drained what little joy was left in our relationship. He failed to make me see the promise in him which was there when we started.
A love that was lost.
He had too many plans that had to go first. I was the least of his priorities, but just was not man enough to admit it. He kept pulling my leg. He kept failing at keeping his promises. He kept hiding things from me: his schedule, his whereabouts, his doings, and his wrongdoings. He was no longer showing me his thoughtfulness, forgot about his commitments, drank too much alcohol, started to go in and out of my life as he pleased, and continued to abandon me. All the while, he pressed me to believe and to wait. Though I was always quick to love and forgive, he was quick to dismiss me. He was almost eager to do the same thing to me everytime. It was just a one-way street. It seemed he did not want to let go, and yet he was just waiting to be set free. He wanted for me to keep on believing in him, when he could not even find his own self.
Time heals all wounds.
So even when I am nursing a broken heart, I also rejoice. For in my suffering, I discovered a loving God who promises to be my strength and comfort. In the process of breaking, I discover more love willingly given by family, friends, and spiritual partners.
Prayers do move mountains.
I pray for joy that comes from God alone. I have hope in the Lord. For all things work for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose (Ro 8:28).
I pray that I will one day be fully healed, and can go back to this ordeal one day with a victorious laugh. May He never find me lacking in my singleness now, which I offer back to Him. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13).
I look back and pray for him who hurt me. I choose not to question him nor the Lord. I choose not to judge Him for God alone is perfect. The Lord, in all His mercy and faithfulness, will be with him in his own pain.
May I recover from this pain soon. May I one day find it in my heart to love again, in the best way that I was with him. May my fears be melted away, and may I find security once again in the arms of one who is worth fighting for, one who finds worth in me to fight for me. Even though I once said, "No more."
He started with many love affairs: with God, with his brothers, and with me. He had such great training, was a born leader, and had everything going well for him in every area of his life. He had some four surprises for me I would never forget: two times he bought me something, and two surprise visits.
Loving him is never wrong.
Even when I began noticing the changes in him, I had to be patient, I had to be more understanding, I had to work it out with him. I loved him despite his shortcomings. I was always overwhelmed with glee when he tried to make it up to me. The love I gave away, I gave fully. For love shared is never wasted. Even though the love that is real is only one-sided. I just knew that I loved. And by that love that I chose to give, I found joy. So even when I am now hurting, I could never regret loving.
Why the change - this remains unanswered.
Slowly he drifted away from God. He changed and started a web of lies. He lost all the things that mattered to him. He became a lost soul. Suddenly, he was the only one who knew about the plan for our future. Or maybe he just didn't know what they really were. This is because he was not ready, contrary to what he made me believe. He didn't know what he wanted. He had forgotten my value. He simply saw that I loved him too much. He knows I would always forgive him.
The man he used to be is history.
Despite all my concerns, he continued to drag me down. I found no peace as months wore on. He drained what little joy was left in our relationship. He failed to make me see the promise in him which was there when we started.
A love that was lost.
He had too many plans that had to go first. I was the least of his priorities, but just was not man enough to admit it. He kept pulling my leg. He kept failing at keeping his promises. He kept hiding things from me: his schedule, his whereabouts, his doings, and his wrongdoings. He was no longer showing me his thoughtfulness, forgot about his commitments, drank too much alcohol, started to go in and out of my life as he pleased, and continued to abandon me. All the while, he pressed me to believe and to wait. Though I was always quick to love and forgive, he was quick to dismiss me. He was almost eager to do the same thing to me everytime. It was just a one-way street. It seemed he did not want to let go, and yet he was just waiting to be set free. He wanted for me to keep on believing in him, when he could not even find his own self.
Time heals all wounds.
So even when I am nursing a broken heart, I also rejoice. For in my suffering, I discovered a loving God who promises to be my strength and comfort. In the process of breaking, I discover more love willingly given by family, friends, and spiritual partners.
Prayers do move mountains.
I pray for joy that comes from God alone. I have hope in the Lord. For all things work for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose (Ro 8:28).
I pray that I will one day be fully healed, and can go back to this ordeal one day with a victorious laugh. May He never find me lacking in my singleness now, which I offer back to Him. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13).
I look back and pray for him who hurt me. I choose not to question him nor the Lord. I choose not to judge Him for God alone is perfect. The Lord, in all His mercy and faithfulness, will be with him in his own pain.
May I recover from this pain soon. May I one day find it in my heart to love again, in the best way that I was with him. May my fears be melted away, and may I find security once again in the arms of one who is worth fighting for, one who finds worth in me to fight for me. Even though I once said, "No more."
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