I hope not. Right now, it’s really too early to say much about how deeply I feel for him. Yes, it is strong especially because it is something new. As to how deep it is, only time will tell.
When I got into it, I was just relying merely on how I felt, how I longed for love, and how promising and so much better a man he presented himself. Most of the time we spent together can be counted over the phone whether voice or text. He has consistently been present in my life, and he is someone I can talk to and love listening to.
I know I should have discerned before I went ahead with this relationship. Neither he nor I deny the fact that we rushed into things. He is mature enough to agree with me to take a step back and discover more of each other day by day. So, while we are in this relationship, he is also taking his time. At the end of each day, we see to it that we talk about what we have learned from each other.
I discovered that…
- He works really hard. I just try to understand because I want him to do the things he loves doing.
He gets jealous, but tries to understand. We resolved this by informing each other of our whereabouts, and letting trust operate. - He knows how to pray, and prays such beautiful prayers with me impromptu (he also tells me what he prays to the Lord about us).
- He inspires me to pray (yesterday after our phone conversation, I really worshipped and prayed to the Lord for taking care of an area of my life when I least expected it).
- He understands what I have been through with my exes. Though we discussed that I should not go by such measures with him, he told me to take enough time that I need until I am able to love fully.
- He is "matampuhin". He asked me to be more sensitive of his feelings, while he also would loosen up. We also resolved that we should not let the sun set on any ill feelings toward each other.
- He is really sweet, and likes to assure me of his love. He sings me songs in my voicemail and sometimes before I sleep; surprises me with flowers, chocolates, breakfast and lunch at work; and he assures me of his faithfulness (telling me about how he evades women who try to get onto him i.e. one time he was at Musikahan).
- He is really serious with me and is not just into meaningless pursuits (he introduced me to his family and tells his friends and coworkers about me).
- He is a gentleman and is actually conservative (he carries heavy stuffs, opens doors, holds my hand, walks at the danger zone, and told me last Saturday to wear shorts cuz my dress during the retreat was a bit flimsy).
- He is protective of how his family may perceive me (His mom is here and wants to spend as much time with him as possible, so he said that he will do as his mom says. This way, his mom will not see me as competition).
- He is really serious with his singing (joining a contest next month, and planning to join American Idol next season!!!)
- He is lovable (he makes me feel loved, needed, beautiful, and precious. I tell myself that all these I know because God told me so. But for him to see that, and treat me as I deserve to be treated…that is what makes him different. Should I compare? Maybe I should not, especially because it is too early. But at this time, that is something added to the essentials on my list. That is something that my partner should be able to consistently exhibit during our relationship).
Did I learn from my previous mistakes?
During the retreat, I faced the Lord with the recent decision I made. With this relationship now taking place, I asked the Lord what he wanted me to do. Simply this…to offer our bodies as living sacrifices to the Lord…to let Him take center stage in our relationship…and to take things slow and make things always right before Him (things that did not transpire with my previous relationships). The Lord promises that He will bless it if we follow His commandments.
I do not want to take a messianic attitude. I do invite him to attend church activities. In time, I believe he will attend. Right now, I just know that I have loved and lost…and survived. I thought I could not love again. With the recent heartache, God is still working in me. I know I am a better person because I know that I now love myself more. I know that I should never settle because God wants the best for me. I know I should be firm with my decisions, especially ones that I make with the Lord. So now I continue to have the attitude of prayer with my new relationship. This way, God can lead me and reveal to me His will. I want to be in stride with the Lord as I walk towards my goal.
I once lost all hope in being able to love again, but I now find hope in the Lord. I know not if he has come at the right time of my life. I do not know what the Lord has in mind about us. With my decision to move on and to love him, I can hope in a limitless God…where possibilities of love can come in unexpected packages…even right after a major heartbreak…while still on the road to complete healing…and when our faith relies on a promise of a heaven where all things are in place.
Brothers and sisters, I can’t consider myself a winner yet. This is what I do: I don’t look back, I lengthen my stride, and I run straight toward the goal to win the prize that God’s heavenly call offers in Christ Jesus. - Phil 3:13-14
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