Blessed, Broken, and Given Away

This is my article written in the book "Seasons of Grace". The book talks about waiting in the Lord. An open invitation was sent to Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon and Ligaya ng Panginoon branches in the Philippines to write their experiences about waiting in the Lord. The chosen articles were later compiled and made into this book and published in October 2005. The book was created much like a devotional for all the seasons of waiting that a woman of the Lord experiences. Thus the last page for every article contained reflection questions.

Thirty Years in the Making

This is long overdue. It was supposed to be my birthday blog entry, thus the title. I also played the acoustic background music (and guess who sang in it!) in the 2nd slide entitled "Why Present?". I still have two of the slide's timing off and the volume can get a bit low in some slides. But I may not find time to edit this. As it is, I already used multiple softwares to create/edit the sound and the video. Also, I only used an unregistered software for the PPS to WMV conversion (unless you could recommend a different software). Dami ko pa sinabe noh? Enjoy!

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PART 3 OF 3:

More than Conquerors

I think I had fun – one I haven’t had in a long time.
The Saturday we met was quite unplanned.
He said he likes surprises, contrary to the planner in me.
He joked that he was in a pink car, while I searched around the full parking lot.
As I approached a red car that was obviously his, he faked a panic.
And asked over the line, "Is that you, the beautiful girl walking my way?"
He made me grin up to my ears, and I knew that he knew all about fun.

The conversations we had lasted for about six hours.
He had a lot of things to say about anything.
I learned he was the youngest, half-Chinese, and loved to cook.
He knew how to speak Chinese, loved to work out, and had an adopted sister.
As usual, the planner in me just imagined a meeting over coffee or dinner.
I told myself, "Just plain talk, nothing serious or heavy."
But I was completely unaware of how meaningful it was becoming.

I almost choked as he told me his story here in this foreign land.
After 13 years together and being cheated on once, he was willing to work it out
When she moved to the U.S. on their 9th year, he took odd jobs to visit his love here.
Until he finally decided to leave everything behind to marry her.
Unfortunately, he found out that his love is cheating on him once more.
So he detached himself from everyone he loved, to find himself again.
I almost hugged him to tell him that he had such a beautiful story to tell.

After two years, he is out on a first date with me.
That this is his excuse for any mess he is making.
He expressed his yearning for his family, to make up for lost time with his parents.
He longed for his friends who wanted to be there for him all this time.
I saw an opportunity to speak to him about the Lord.
And I told him about friends within our age group that exists in City on the Hill.
I also said I would understand if this religious talk would scare him away (it did not).

We ended up talking about the purposes of all that happened to us.
That all that happened was out of God’s kindness towards us.
That the Lord will not bring us all the way here just to see us scurry home.
That he can find life in the US and not be married to the idea of life with that woman.
And I sincerely asked God that He protect and heal our wounded hearts.
May we become more than conquerors that those who hear of our stories glorify the Lord.
May the Lord restore what was lost, and may we look beyond our circumstances.

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? …In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." – Ro 8:31, 37-38

Truth Be Told

I shall quiet my soul and allow my all-knowing Lord to reveal it in His time.

I will not defend myself against the slander of someone in darkness.

There is a time when I must choose not to explain or defend myself.

For even the Lord once told those who knew His identity to not tell.

I thank the Lord for the grace to see His mantle of protection over me.

No one else knows where the truth ended and the absurd lies began.

No one else knows but the Lord; and anyone who is wise should fear.

At the appointed time, God will hold those who are upright in heart.

Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. - Jn 1:5

Tough Break from the Bible

I am having a hard time understanding 1 Sam 16 NAB version.

14

The spirit of the LORD had departed from Saul, and he was tormented by an evil spirit sent by the LORD.

15

So the servants of Saul said to him: "Please! An evil spirit from God is tormenting you.

16

If your lordship will order it, we, your servants here in attendance on you, will look for a man skilled in playing the harp. When the evil spirit from God comes over you, he will play and you will feel better."

17

Saul then told his servants, "Find me a skillful harpist and bring him to me."

18

A servant spoke up to say: "I have observed that one of the sons of Jesse of Bethlehem is a skillful harpist. He is also a stalwart soldier, besides being an able speaker, and handsome. Moreover, the LORD is with him."

19

Accordingly, Saul dispatched messengers to ask Jesse to send him his son David, who was with the flock.

20

Then Jesse took five loaves of bread, a skin of wine, and a kid, and sent them to Saul by his son David.

21

Thus David came to Saul and entered his service. Saul became very fond of him, made him his armor-bearer,

22

and sent Jesse the message, "Allow David to remain in my service, for he meets with my approval."

23

Whenever the spirit from God seized Saul, David would take the harp and play, and Saul would be relieved and feel better, for the evil spirit would leave him.

I know God is all powerful and even the evil one recognizes and fears His might. But could the Catholic translation have misconstrued what the author meant? Other bible versions say that it is an "ill" spirit sent by the Lord. It is a hard passage to understand.

The Upper Room Experience

A couple of days ago, I spoke with my pastoral leader.
She told me about more lies that the lost man told to save face.
Things that he had done, he said I did.
How could I have even loved a man capable of such evil?

It has been quite a while since my last conversation with my leader.
I felt I should not involve her with any further pain I put myself into.
I have long realized how I must have hurt my friends.
For not listening, and insisting on doing what's not good for me.

Although I am now treading the right way (through healing),
The damage to many of my relationships happened.
I left them all frustrated and wishing they did not care.
But they did, and so they turned away.

When Jesus died on the cross, the disciples could not understand.
They all came together before the ascencion with wavering faith.
They were afraid and locked themselves in the upper room.
Jesus went to that upper room, and so their ministry began.

My decisions had nothing to do with my friends.
My friends were and had always been right about it.
But my decision had everything to do with my faith in myself.
I didn't believe I could do it on my own.

But the fact is I must have little faith in the Lord.
Because I could not understand why He allowed it to happen.
I found myself always coming to Him in tears and questions.
I saw in my heart that I bore a grudge against the Lord.

When I took my state of life discernment, it was with the Lord.
When I had to wait until I was ready for love, it was with the Lord.
When I began the love affair, it was all with the Lord.
I had an upper room experience when the love did not last.

No one should go through pain alone - that is what the enemy wants.
I should not have tried to do it all on my own because I could not.
That is why God sent friends who would be strong when I was weak.
And even when they got tired, the Holy Spirit is able.

No pain, no broken relationship is beyond repair with God's grace.
With a humble heart, I want to commit my life to the Rock of my life.
I belong to the Lord; and I have every reason to thank Him for what happened.
To all those I have hurt with my stubborn ways, I ask for your forgiveness.

The way of the Lord gives refuge to the honest man, but dismays those who do evil - Prv. 10:29

A Slave No Longer

I was too afraid of losing his love.
I met him the first time I attended church.
Being in a new country, I adjusted with him in the picture.
Naturally I knew not how to be separate from him
Because I never did things on my own.

I lost my sense of independence.
I planned my time according to his free time.
I waited for his regular phone call at certain times of the day.
I thought of him whenever I got the chance.
I willed whatever he willed for me.

I made him my world.
I lost myself to sin with him.
I stopped seeing my spiritual director.
I accepted his lies for fear of being alone.
I was more afraid of not being in familiar ground.

I lost the joy I used to possess coming to this land.
This was going to be the second time of admitting.
I made a mistake once again in choosing my partner.
I realized I was not afraid of losing him.
Even when I knew he was no longer the person I loved.

It has been a full month of non-communication.
I have decided to allow God to free me from that baggage.
I keep busy if only to get preoccupied.
I only cry about it a little before God now.
He is the only one who cares to listen.

God has long revealed it many times.
No one deserves that kind of treatment.
My healing is now His business.
I am a better person without him.
The truth has set me free.

"If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples,
and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." - Jn 8: 31-32