They Can Be the "Debt" of Me

Today, while looking for something, I stumbled upon a brand new notebook PC.
I said no to it because of their mounting debts that remain unpaid.
I said no to it because my family does not live a simple lifestyle.
I said no to it because it would be a second notebook PC within the same house.
I said no to it because we could not afford it -- just yet.
But I was mentally calculating it, "How can we afford it?" (I learned that from a book).
Yet, they just couldn't wait...got the notebook, got the house, got to be a one-day millionaire.

Many times they deceived me so they could extort money out of me.
They asked money from me to pay for their credit card bills.
They asked me to pay for the US interview fees.
All the while giving the same excuse to borrow money from other people.
They tried to borrow money from my aunt using my education as an excuse.
They buy a house, and borrow money to use as a downpayment.
They send balikbayan boxes to the Philippines instead of pay their debts.

Today, I cleaned the house because the dust has accumulated over time.
As usual, I usually picked up the slack because no one would voluntarily tidy up.
I had hoped that she learned to live life without househelp.
I used to pick up after her mess back in the Philippines.
I tested if there would be any change of heart by intentionally not cleaning.
Her room is a pigsty, the new house already has insects living in it.
No change, no initiative, no learnings from the past.

I am at my wit's end, and refuse to tolerate this.
Could there be a clinical term for people who try to escape from their debts?
Blindness. Nonchalance. No sense of responsibility. Intervention please!
Whatever happened to responsible parenting, and growing up?
I will save up money to buy the things necessary to live here.
I will be a good financial steward, and will not be moved.
Call it tough love; but there's one thing real that I call it: Poverty.

The Overcome Inspiration

I am inspired. I heard this song entitled Overcome. But a song is just a pointless melody if it is without a story: Overcome Song Story. The video of the song: Overcome.

Sing to the Lord. The New Life church saw that God is real despite the many tragedies that happened to them. Whether in stormy waters, spiritual drought, or joyful moments, we can sing our own beautiful anthems to the Lord.

God is near. I ponder on these words and see that the word come is associated with drawing near to, or coming into contact with someone. God sent many prophet – and even showed Himself to some of them – so as to speak to His people. God saw that that wasn’t enough, so He sent a Son named Emmanuel, which meant God is with us.

He overcame. He did not just come…He overcame. What do I know in the last 10 years that keep me coming back to God in prayer or in service? That I am made right before Him through the blood of His Son. With this knowledge, the only appropriate response is to say yes to Him whatever the cost, to do right despite the worldly ways that tempt me, and to persevere moreso if it reaches to a point of desperation - where everything around me compels me to believe that He has forsaken me.

I've come into full circle. Many say that to follow the Lord, one needs to turn 180 degrees. I have my own interpretation of the life that I now lead. It is coming to terms with everything around me and me personally changing how I deal with these things. I may go 180 degrees but a bend in the road may get me back to the same circumstances that tell me to just go with the flow. So I think I have come into full circle. There is nothing in this world that can change who God is, who I am to Him, and who He is to me.

It is done. I delight in the same God who has given us His breath, His promise, and His character…the Holy Spirit. With His power, what can we not overcome? If God is the Alpha (and He is), then we know how this will end (He still is).

Title: Overcome/Author: Jon Egan/Artist: Desperation Band

Seated above, enthroned in the Father's love. Destined to die, poured out for all mankind. God's only son perfect and spotless one. He never sinned, but suffered as if he did.

All authority, every victory is Yours. All authority, every victory is Yours.

Savior, worthy of honor and glory, worthy of all our praise, You overcame. Jesus, awesome in power forever, awesome and great is Your name, You overcame.

Power in hand speaking the Father's plan. You're sending us out, light in this broken land.

We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb. And the word of our testimony, everyone overcome.

This is my story. This is my song. Praising my Savior. All the day long.

With All I Am

Taken from Hillsong's album For All You've Done:

Into Your hands I commit again
With all I am, for You, Lord
You hold my world In the palm of Your hand
And I am Yours forever

Jesus I believe in You
Jesus I belong to You
Youre the reason that I live
The reason that I sing
With all I am

Ill walk with You Wherever You go
Through tears and joy Ill trust in You
And I will live In all of Your ways
And Your promises, forever
I will worship I will worship You

Through It All

I just wanted to honor God through this song, Through It All, taken from Hillsong's Blessed album. Through it all, God showed me His faithfulness and victory. Thank you Lord for thirty-one faithful years.

You are forever in my life.
You see me through the seasons.
Cover me with Your hand.
And lead me in Your righteousness.

And I look to You.
And I wait on You.

I'll sing to You Lord a hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me.
I'm carried in everlasting arms.
You'll never let me go through it all.

Hallelujah. Hallelujah.

No Longer Unknown

Now, I am given another year. I just fall at His feet, praying that He is so far pleased. I strum my guitar, and sing with all my might. Up to now, I keep trying to win His love. Then He tells me that there is nothing I could do that would make Him love me more; there is nothing I could not do that would make Him love me less. As I ponder on that, one word -- that does not encompass His magnanimity -- settles in my heart. Sovereignty.

I had no childhood to look back to. I was robbed off my innocence at the age of nine. I wanted someone to be accountable for all the wrongs done unto me. But no one could pay me. Nothing could give me the answer to my question, why. I rebelled against God because He allowed it to happen. I thought I was dirty, and did not deserve love. I just believed that I was loathsome. I felt unknown, unloved, and unprotected. Still I worked for it. I kept getting honors, medals, and success. I tried all.

When I learned to live in community, it was not acceptance that I learned. It was God’s sovereignty. It was His sovereignty that made me see that there is much more to what cruelty was done to me. It was His sovereignty that told me He cried with me while my dad’s friend violated me. It was His sovereignty that filled my room when I cried myself years and years later on as I held this secret. It was His sovereignty that taught me that I was beautiful. It was His sovereignty that opened my eyes to the fact that I am His beloved. It was His sovereignty that kept me in places where I will be with Him. It was His sovereignty that assured me…He knew.

My self-perception was corrupted. It was filled with lies. My desire to be made worthy of His love was too great. I became weary. I was after something that was right in front of me. Until He opened my eyes, and there He was fighting for me. "But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory (2 Chron 20:17)."

My God sees, knows, and guides. For though many are the plans of man, God’s will is unchanging (Prov 19:21). My life is not without purpose. My life is His, and all the wrongs have long been paid for. He blesses me with a ministry: a story of a life that was mine…and now, His. The ministry is simple. It will inspire. It will teach. It will move. It will change. It will bless. Be it now or when I join my Master, it is His will that prevails. He will make a way for me to get there. He staked a claim on me. I am no longer unknown. There it goes...The story of my life...For Him.

"I have called you by name... You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests. Wherever you go, I go with you, and wherever you rest, I keep watch. I will give you food that will satisfy all your hunger and drink that will quench all your thirst. I will not hide my face from you... I know you as my own. You belong to me... Nothing will ever separate us. We are one." - Henri Nouwen, Life of the Beloved

Favor Undeserved

Last year, I knocked at His door.

God has made me right before Him. He breathed upon me when friends did not believe. He told me to not pass judgment. His Spirit was my comfort and strength. He taught me to forgive the unforgivable. He taught me to love the unlovable. I saw that I have different needs. He drove in my heart that quest even in a new church. I met new friends. I was able to keep old and faithful friends. He taught me to simplify my life to extend blessings to my loved ones. He gave me an unexpected work promotion at a time of recession. My green card was released after only 11 months. My sister was able to join us. We moved to our new house. Now, I have my own room. I can pray without interruption.

I received an undeserved favor.

All my days, whether burdened or blessed, I will proclaim God’s greatness. For my God is able. His grace allows me to ask even when circumstances overwhelm me. I cannot even imagine how far He has gone for me. I dared not test Him. Yet, as though He wanted to prove to me His greatness, He poured out blessing after blessing upon me and those around me, while my enemies watched. But I will always remember. All I have now is undeserved, yet He gave.

Now, I still cast my cares upon the Lord.

1. That I would learn more about God’s Word.
2. For opportunities to become more involved in social action.
3. That He will not let me grow weary in praising and pleasing Him.
4. That I will not sin even when I know God is forgiving.
5. That He financially bless me more so I can help my family.
6. That my brother’s petition gets approved.
7. That we can furnish the house with nice things.
8. That I can buy my own car to become more independent.
9. To meet my inside-out handsome partner.

I dare not doubt. Because I believe He can make things happen at a snap of His fingers. He knew I was going to ask even before I asked. I ask because He finds favor in those who ask. The blessing He has already prepared to send my way. I hold tight in the Lord, for He knows everything.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-15

There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant. A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them; a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces. A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away. A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak. A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

What advantage has the worker from his toil? I have considered the task which God has appointed for men to be busied about. He has made everything appropriate to its time, and has put the timeless into their hearts, without men's ever discovering, from beginning to end, the work which God has done.

I recognized that there is nothing better than to be glad and to do well during life. For every man, moreover, to eat and drink and enjoy the fruit of all his labor is a gift of God. I recognized that whatever God does will endure forever; there is no adding to it, or taking from it. Thus has God done that he may be revered.

The Gift of Singleness

"A single woman missionary writes, ‘I've never dated anyone. Is it realistic for a woman to desire confirmation of her femininity at one point in her life?’…I would answer yes, it's realistic, it's natural, it's not wrong. A real woman's desire is to be a real woman, and a man's love helps to confirm that. But human desire is to be brought under the lordship of Christ for fulfillment according to His wisdom and choosing. (See Psalm 10:17; 37:4; 38:9; 145:19.)" – Elisabeth Elliot

Much like that missionary, I would see a couple in one of the church pews holding hands or giving each other a kiss of peace…and I’d be like, "God, please shield my eyes so I don’t get too distracted (or envious!). In fact, the kind of "knight-in-shining-armor-fairy-tale" a girl could be dreaming of has been lowered to simply having-a-good-man-stand-by-your-side-without-having-to-do-anything-special. To be affirmed is perhaps the greatest language of love for every marriageable-aged woman.

Of course with faith the size of a mustard seed, I just shrug off such thoughts. I realize that when I pray, I'm not the least bit worried to have a partner. I just know that God will make it happen. It doesn’t mean that He will make a man fall onto my lap. But I believe that He will surprise me with a good man – good by His standards and not by mine.

I talked to a brother who shared about his desire for a ‘single blessedness’ state of life. Automatically, I encouraged him to read 1 Corinthians chapter 7. That conversation drew me back to my own decision. It made me open my bible to the same verses. As though reading it for the first time, six verses seemed to come right out of the book…emphasizing what I must do at my current state:

• "Now to the unmarried…I say: it is a good thing for them to remain as they are, as I do, but if they cannot exercise self-control they should marry, for it is better to marry than to be on fire."(v. 8-9)
  
• "Only, everyone should live as the Lord has assigned, just as God called each one." (v.17)
  
• "Everyone should remain in the state in which he was called." (v.20)
  
• "So this is what I think best because of the present distress: that it is a good thing for a person to remain as he is." (v.26)
  
• "So then, the one who marries his virgin does well; the one who does not marry her will do better."(v.38)
  
• "She is more blessed, though, in my opinion, if she remains as she is, and I think that I too have the Spirit of God."(v. 40)

This Christmas, I thought about the perfect gift I can give to the birthday celebrant. What could I possibly have that would make Jesus grin from ear to ear? Off the top of my head, I say, “Uhhh…nothing!” But rethinking about all the blessings I have received, there must be something that God wants out of me for Him to keep me alive and kicking.

And then it dawned on me. I can offer me. How many times has He heard this? In my blog alone, I think half of the entries have a theme of self-offering. But what is distinct about my life now is I am single. And what better way to thank God for the gift than to give it back to the Giver. I thank God for the privilege to serve him in the state that I have now; a state where:

• There’s little to change.
  
• Worries are at a minimum.
  
• Righteousness is not an afterthought.
  
• What is essential is the focus.
  
• God has me at His disposal.

My singleness may not be the end, but it is not by chance. I am single in this universe full of the same, but my realization comes with a challenge. What is essential for a single woman? "An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord." (v. 32)

All my heart goes out to you this day and always, my Lord, Jesus. Happy Birthday!