My romantic relationships have further caused my downfall. I try to begin everyday hoping for a miracle of healing. Only God knows how to end it all. My good friend in the faith told me, "No, the trauma you faced was not easy. And God wept that it hurt you so. But it was allowed to shape your heart so that into His likeness you'd grow."
How marvelous to look at every detail surrounding me exclaiming God's attention for me. He must indeed love me. The perfect love shared in the Trinity allowed my presence right here on earth. How He fashioned everything from my mother's womb even while she tried to abort me. God planned that I would still be alive.
It is my second life then! You knew me before I was born. My heart rejoices knowing that I will forever have your mark as your creation. I will always be your daughter and I belong to you - failures, sickness, shortcomings, sin and all.
God is my father and I will no longer try to parent myself. God has the best plans for me from the very beginning. "You are who you are...because there is a God." It can be hard to look at myself in the mirror because of my flaws. His Word gives me life. I know in my heart a fire that burns and says I am precious in the eyes of my Father. God purposefully made me for a reason and waits for me to recognize Him when I feel unloved. I want to start anew, rediscover that purpose by going back to making God the center of my life. I am not so cast out or beaten by my mistakes and sin. The Lord will do all things for His plans to happen.
All that has happened to me and what is about to happen has not escaped the Lord's watchful eye. He is with me even before I was conceived. I find comfort knowing that God has always helped me pick up the pieces of my life that I may one day be whole again. Trusting in God's wisdom whose thoughts are higher than mine will one day help me understand.
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